“Do everything without grumbling or disputing.” — Philippians 2:14

I am not an optimist.

I’ve never been the one in the group to point out the silver lining when the ship starts sinking. In fact, as I’ve gotten older, people who do that kind of thing really annoy me. Sometimes—okay, most of the time, let’s be real—I don’t want to hear how there’s a bright side to every less-than-optimal circumstance. I don’t want encouragement or a solution to my problem; I just want to vent. I just need a moment to say, “This stinks,” and then I can move on.

I’m not a pessimist either. I don’t want to wallow in self-pity. I just want to recognize the reality of a situation. I guess I’d call myself a realist. I like to call a spade a spade.

In the Hundred Acre Wood, I would be a Rabbit—not a Tigger, but not quite an Eeyore either. I find my comfort zone in pragmatic thinking. An honest assessment of the damage helps me set reasonable expectations and develop a realistic plan to move forward.

Mirror, Mirror in My Home

However, my oldest daughter did not inherit my personality type. If there’s a sliver of negative in a circumstance, she will find it and sit in it for an eternity. Maybe it’s just the preteen personality, but it has become a running joke in our family that she’s the Eeyore in our gang.

As I’ve prayed for her mindset to change, the Holy Spirit gently (okay, maybe not so gently) asked me if I had listened to myself speak lately.

Talk about calling a spade a spade—ouch.

I started asking myself, “Is she complaining all the time because she hears me complaining all the time?” Our kids—whether our own or the ones we teach in classrooms—are little parrots at this age. They watch and listen, mimicking us to learn how to engage with the world around them.

And then the Spirit pressed in even deeper:
“What are you giving her to mimic? Is the example you’re setting one of the Spirit or of the flesh? Does she see you count it all joy, or hear you count it all inconvenience?”

A Voice I Didn’t Like

After this divine revelation (yes, that’s what I’m calling it), I became hyper-aware of every negative thought that made it from my mind to my mouth. And y’all, it ain’t good.

What I thought was just “my personality” was actually grumbling and complaining—and it was happening far more often than I realized. Whether it was a missing grocery item or the construction traffic on 418, I was spewing negativity. And my daughter was responding to her own circumstances in the exact same way.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Have you ever listened to a recording of yourself and cringed at your own voice? That’s what this moment felt like. I heard my voice coming out of my 8-year-old—and I despised it.

So I began to ask: How do I not just change my words, but the heart my words are flowing from?

What Philippians Teaches Us

If you have a Bible—and I hope you do—turn with me to Philippians chapter two.

Paul begins this chapter by teaching on the humility of Christ. In verses 3–4, he says:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Isn’t this the root of our complaints? We think too highly of ourselves. How dare we be inconvenienced by someone else’s needs or shortcomings? Everything—from the incompetent coworker to the clingy toddler—becomes a burden when we’re looking through a “me-centered” lens.

So how do we shift that mindset?

Paul tells us in verses 5–8:

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself… He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

The answer? Look to the cross. Look to Jesus.

It’s not a self-help book. It’s not gritting your teeth or taping your mouth shut. It’s not willpower. It’s a shift in focus. I once heard John Piper say, “Preach the gospel to yourself every day.” I wrote it on a sticky note and put it on my bathroom mirror. If we can teach our minds how to think, we can teach our mouths how to speak.

What’s At Stake?

Paul continues in Philippians 2:14–15:

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.”

Your witness is what’s at stake. That’s the cost of grumbling and arguing. And that witness starts at home—with your children, your students, and anyone watching you live your daily life.

A Week of Mess and Mercy

This hit me especially hard this week.

As a teacher and a parent in May, I am big tired. I’m running on fumes and right on the edge of burnout. And you know what feels really good when you’re exhausted? Complaining.

But just as Teacher Appreciation Week and Mother’s Day weekend rolled around—a time that should feel refreshing—our house was hit with a wave of sickness. We haven’t slept since Wednesday. Every time we close our eyes, a coughing toddler wakes us up. It feels like everything in our house has been vomited on. We literally ran out of blankets last night because everything is either in the wash or waiting to be.

I’ve got enough medication on my kitchen counter to open a pharmacy—and none of it is working.

And through every 3:00 AM mess and every dose of medicine, I’ve heard the Lord on repeat:

“Do everything without grumbling or complaining.”

Count It All Joy

Sunday morning came, and I wasn’t able to attend church with my family like I had hoped. But as I looked down at the sick toddler sleeping in my arms, I felt the Lord whisper:
“Count it all joy.”

James 1:2–4 reminds us:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

Lacking nothing. All the things we think we’re owed when we complain? The Bible says we gain everything when we remain steadfast.

And Exodus 14:14 echoes this:

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Let Them See Joy in You

My prayer—for myself and for you—is that we allow God to write these words on our hearts, not just for our own sake but for the sake of the next generation watching and learning from our example.

So let me leave you with this:

Commit these verses to memory. Preach the gospel to yourself daily. Let steadfastness have its full effect, so that when you hear your own voice on playback, you don’t feel the urge to hit delete.

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